Jess Lane: Comedian

… and another video that imagines Battleship as if you had directed it.
Battleship? What’s Battleship?
   
Wes, you need to brush up on your competition if you’re going to be a summer movie auteur! Battleship is this $200 million action movie that’s about to come out. And it’s based on the board game.
It’s based on the board game?!

LOVE THIS MAN!

The log-line of the new NBC show “Save Me”: “Heche stars as a woman in a broken marriage who transforms into a version of herself and creates miracles along the way.”

That sentence does not make any sense, right? “Anne Heche… transforms into a version of herself.” What could this mean?

Anne Heche… changes clothes.
Anne Heche… dyes her hair.
Anne Heche… does something a little different with her makeup.
Anne Heche… gets gender-reassignment surgery.
Anne Heche… steals someone’s identity.
Anne Heche… joins a biker gang.
Anne Heche… becomes a vampire.
Anne Heche… becomes a raw vegan.
Anne Heche… dyes her skin blue.
Anne Heche… takes less risks.
Anne Heche… puts on a pair of glasses.
Anne Heche… gets her eyebrows threaded.
Anne Heche… turns into Naomi Watts.
Anne Heche… dumps all her old friends for new ones, but the old ones don’t know why she’s “throwing her life away” because the new ones smoke pot and drink and eat lunch outside!
Anne Heche… enters a cocoon, sheds her skin, and emerges exactly the same.
Anne Heche… does not transform at all.

Do not even get me started about what “CREATES MIRACLES” means!!!

Anne Heche… gives birth to a litter of puppies.
Anne Heche… makes kids enjoy the taste of brussel sprouts.
Anne Heche… legalizes gay marriage.
Anne Heche… brings your horse back to life as a unicorn.
Anne Heche… brings Bin Laden back to life.
Anne Heche… transforms everyone into a version of themselves.

Too bad all of those are miracles that Anne Heche would PERFORM and not CREATE. “I’ve created a Miracle-Token; its like a miracle point, redeemable for one miracle, but you only get to use it once, so choose wisely!”

curtneill:

Pillow fight. #powerviolence style. (Taken with instagram)

I’m the stripey blurry thing on the left!!!

brandieposey:

POWERVIOLENCE LADIES (Taken with instagram)

This show was amazing and this photo really shows it all off.

Thanks to all the fantabulous ladies and gentlemen who crashed our sleepover party last night.  I hope it was as fun to watch as it was to be on stage for.

williebhines:

A fun game to play when you are at work — leave Hulu on in a window playing all the BFF episodes in a loop.

thedailywhat:

Badvertising of the Day: Right-wing, anti-science think tank the Heartland Institute has unveiled a new billboard campaign in its hometown of Chicago that compares those who believe in global warming to the Unabomber, Charles Manson, and Osama bin Laden.

From the group’s website:

What these murderers and madmen have said differs very little from what spokespersons for the United Nations, journalists for the “mainstream” media, and liberal politicians say about global warming.

It continues:

The people who still believe in man-made global warming are mostly on the radical fringe of society. This is why the most prominent advocates of global warming aren’t scientists. They are murderers, tyrants, and madmen.

Really?!

Thankfully, spot-on analysis by The Daily Beast‘s Andrew Sullivan wins the day:

In some ways, this is an almost perfect illustration of what has happened to the “right.” A refusal to acknowledge scientific reality; and a brutalist style of public propaganda that focuses entirely on guilt by the most extreme association.

[thinkprogress]

Also - Ted Kaczynski is a mathematical and scientific genius. If he believes in global warming… you know… he’s probably right?

I am a poster.

POWERVIOLENCE PRESENTS: THE SLEEPOVER PARTY
Sunday May 6th, 9PM
6470 Santa Monica Blvd

Ladies, beers, buds and pajamas.

powerviolencecomedy:

By Evan Mays

Forever.

thedailywhat:

Krusty The Klown IRL of the Day: A kid in a clown costume attends Purim services at an ultra-Orthodox synagogue in Jerusalem.

[willprescott / ratsoff.]

I was just looking through all of the things that I’ve liked on tumblr recently, and this photo literally made me start crying. You know, this photo and the rest of the world crushing me under all of it’s weight.

Hello everyone in the entire world,

I’m hosting a bi-weekly stand-up show with my friend Erin Lampart. It’s called Not For Nothin’ - and every show is special! Every show has a different theme! The first show is “Champagne and Donuts,” in celebration of it being the first show.

KILLER LINEUP: Brent Weinbach, Matt Champagne, Dan Gill, Claudia Cogan, Tess Barker, Kelly Kubik, & a couple of surprises.

Not For Nothin’
Wednesday May 9th, 8PM
at The Little Modern Theater
6474 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, CA, 90038
$5 Admission… **Free champagne and donuts**
Feel free to RSVP to the Facebook Event; it makes me feel good about myself.


SECONDLY, me and Erin are hosting LA’s premiere punk rock bad boys comedy show POWERVIOLENCE this Sunday May 6th. We are taking over, turning it into a sleepover party, and letting ladies take the stage for the evening. There will be drinking, smoking, makeovers, hair dye, kissing boys, and more.

THE LADIES: Lizzy Cooperman, Brandie Posey, Barbara Gray, Aparna Nancherla, Katie Crown, Chase Bernstein, and Megan Koester.

POWERVIOLENCE
Sunday May 6th, 9PM
at the Straight Jacket Theater
6470 Santa Monica Blvd, Hollywood CA 90038
FREE FREE FREE & FREE BEEER

Love you,
Jess Lane

PS… Watch This Video: http://vimeo.com/41449128

NOT FOR NOTHIN
Me and Erin Lampart are starting a show. We made this video to promote the show. I don’t know if the video really does that, but I’ll let you be the judge.

The show is Wednesday May 9th at 8PM, at the Little Modern Theater, and it costs $5.

I’m going to post about it more extensively in a moment……

I am pretty good in this.

paulytamale:

UNFINISHED BUSINESS

My rejected Channel 101 pilot from last month!

andreastreeter:

Here’s my little contribution to the cause. Support Best Friends Forever!

Petition  •  Facebook  •  #SaveBFF  •  Watch it again  •  Pin it

I just did this. I love this show! The best greatest female characters on TV right now. WHY IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT “GIRLS” WHEN THEY SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT “BEST FRIENDS FOREVER”? You want diversity with your girls? Best Friends Forever. You want no white privilege? No nepotism? No gross weird sex? Best Friends Forever.

GO HERE IF YOU WANNA BUY A SEASON PASS OF “BEST FRIENDS FOREVER” ON iTUNES!

PS - I also love Girls. Whatevs!

chriskelly:

This is a great read. The bottom line is this: help save “Best Friends Forever” by buying a season pass of it on iTunes. It’ll show NBC that people care about the show and it only costs $13.00. THAT’S IT!

Please do that and please, please spread the word. This is a really great show that could easily become one of the all-time greats if given the time to find an audience.

Love, Chris 

GO HERE IF YOU WANNA BUY A SEASON PASS OF “BEST FRIENDS FOREVER” ON iTUNES!

connorratliff:

HOW DO YOU SAVE A TV SHOW?  

Ugh. There was a time when TV shows really got a long run to prove themselves before the networks decided whether to yank them off the air. When I was a little kid, I was aware of shows that were deemed complete failures, like the Dukes Of Hazzard spin-off Enos and the Three’s Company spin-off The Ropers. (Yes, I am old. But still well within the coveted 18-49 demographic, so there.) At the time, I remember hearing about those shows being total ratings disasters, and yet they were allowed to make it to 22 episodes and 28 episodes, respectively.

Likewise, the big hits of the 80s and 90s, Cheers and Seinfeld, were both low-rated in their early seasons, but were given time to find an audience.

We live in a different reality now, obviously.

Everybody’s heard the news about Best Friends Forever being yanked from the NBC schedule until perhaps this summer. And It’s easy to assume the worst— anyone who is a fan of quality television shows has had their heart broken more than a few times over the years, and we’ve all seen a lot of “save our show” campaigns end in disappointment.

Petitions and twitter campaigns are one modern tool at our disposal. You can also send “scoops” to NBC, certainly. I’d imagine that fans are developing all sorts of ways of getting NBC’s attention to let them know that there is a passionate audience out there that wants to see more of this show.

I have one suggestion, for anyone who’s interested. First, two examples of shows that met very different fates:

CASE #1: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

I was one of the frantic ones while this show was in peril, and I was practically apoplectic at what I perceived to be FOX’s non-existent efforts to grow the show’s audience. (Before anyone tries the knee-jerk “FOX gave it three seasons” argument, it has been documented by NYTimes TV writer Bill Carter that Rupert Murdoch personally hated the show, and it was therefore not in the best interest of anyone at FOX to help the show do better. It was too critically beloved to cancel it quickly, so they let it die on the vine instead. Case closed.)

One of the specific things that most frustrated me was that Arrested Development was not available to purchase on iTunes. The fans were begging for ways to show their support, and for ways to demonstrate that the Nielsen ratings didn’t tell the full story. Meanwhile, the #1 show on iTunes was…

CASE #2: THE OFFICE (U.S.A. version)

The Office was not a hit at first, not by a long shot. The ratings weren’t that good for the brief first season, and a big part of the reason that they finally got a full order for a second season was that NBC put the show on iTunes, where it did great. It was easily the most popular show, almost instantly, occupying 17 slots of the iTunes Top 100 downloads. Now, years later, it’s one of NBC’s top rated shows.

This is a long rambling way of saying: one thing you can do to help save Best Friends Forever, if you are so inclined, is to buy a season pass on iTunes. It’s like 13 bucks for the whole first season, which is basically the same price as if you were to individually buy the 4 episodes they have for sale individually.

It might sound like a dumb idea— after all, if you like the show, you’ve presumably seen the 4 episodes that are already up, and they’re available for free on the NBC website or hulu. The idea of paying money for TV shows that are available for free already is ridiculous. I feel dumb typing this.

BUT: it is one way of showing support for the show, and it’s basically like paying for a movie ticket (if you live in a big city where movies are crazy expensive) or a pizza or some other thing that costs as much as a pizza. And if the goal is to convince NBC that there is a devoted audience that wants this show on the air, then maybe BFF selling a lot of iTunes downloads is one way to get their attention. It’s like voting with your dollars to say “keep making more of these, please. Here is some of my money!”

I know if FOX had put Arrested Development episodes for sale on iTunes back when it was on the bubble, I would have happily bought them all if I though it had even a small chance of saving the show. It worked for The Office. Maybe it can in some small way contribute to keeping BFF on the air long enough for more people to discover it…

AGAIN:  GO HERE IF YOU WANNA BUY A SEASON PASS OF “BEST FRIENDS FOREVER” ON iTUNES!

patbaer:

#SAVEBFF

clientsfromhell:

I needed to get a hold of a client’s IT department to check on some compatibility issues.

Client: IT… IT… I don’t know who’s in IT. We have a bunch’a Indians running around here sometimes, I’ll grab you one of those. Just let me look in the directory here and find an Indian sounding name……

I no longer find Clients From Hell amusing. It is terrifying. It is a constant reminder to me that terrible horrible people are our there ruining the world.

Not going out tonight. Just going to stay home and lie in bed paralyzed with rage.

Oh hey, everyone’s Aunt Josie made a music video.

THIS IS GOING TO LIVE UP TO THE ALL THE FUTURE-HYPE IT IS GOING TO GET IN THE FUTURE.

thedailywhat:

Hot Mess of the Day: Apparently, the Rebecca Black phenomenon CAN get worse.

[death+taxes]